rexque_futurus | (no subject)

(no subject)

Luckily for her, Allie has an actual, legitimate medical excuse for not talking to Miles about That Thing for at least a day, like the fact that she's barely conscious for most of them. She still feels kind of sick and exhausted, but better. The police told her there's not much they can do to find out who slipped a drug in her meal, but the Order's working on it.

In the meantime, Jen's basically redecorated her hospital room with more comfortable blankets and pillows and something like a hundred bouquets of flowers, having dragged along a few of her knights as muscle for setting things up. It takes an hour before Jen finally decides she's settled in enough to leave her alone, and even then, she knows that there's a few more Order members than usual keeping an eye on her hospital room.

She has a conversation to deal with, though, and she hugs her legs to her chest when Miles approaches. "Hey."

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...Okay.

Allie sighs when she sees him, a sheepish almost-smile on her face. Apparently, resting away from her Merlin troubles just isn't in the cards for her. "Sorry. Did I summon you again?"

He moved closer and touched her face, glad to see some colour in it again and her eyes focusing much better than before. He sighed and touched foreheads with her.

"I know I'm breaking all sorts of rules of nature and of magic to do this but this time I came to you on my own," he whispered. "I just needed to see if you were all right."

Oh. Oh, wow. There's a fluttering feeling in her chest, even as her heart wrenches in confusion and almost-dread. Like this is wrong.

"I'm okay. Resting it off, mostly."

"Good." Merlin kissed her nose and her cheeks before holding her tight. "Arthur has been saying that I'm being distracted too easily these days. Vivaine doesn't seem too fussed that she's taken on a few of my duties."

(Great. So now she's managing to screw up the mythical reign of King Arthur in two completely different millennia, not just the one.)

She manages another half-hearted smile. "Sorry."

He smiled kindly and kissed her nose. "Whatever for? Are you not King in your own right?" he teased.

"I guess."

She hasn't been feeling very kingly recently. Between the mess with Miles and recovering from being drugged, she's starting to wonder if she's even capable of bringing about the prophecy.

His joy faded into concern and Merlin tilled her chin up to look at him. "What's wrong?" he asked gently. "Is someone still after you? Are your knights so slow in the future that they could not figure out who the perpetrator was?"

Her gaze flickers off to the side.

"It's being worked on. In the meantime, I'm kinda confined to my apartment."

With way too much time to think about how badly she's handled things.

He kissed along her cheek and brought her gaze back to him. "Tell me what's wrong, Allie. It's much more than the poison that was in you. Isn't it?"

"Yeah."

And god, she's going to cry at this rate. He looks so sweet and so concerned, but she's stealing him away from the Arthur who needs him while she merrily sledgehammers her way through her relationship with Miles.

Merlin led her to sit down on the bed and pulled a handkercheif from seemingly nowhere to dab her eyes with. "What is it?"

"I told Miles about this."

And it didn't go well, she doesn't say.

Miles. The him of the future. And her silence told Merlin far more than her words ever could. Silently, he pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head. "You fancy him, don't you?" he asked softly.

"I like you. I like both of you. I mean, in some ways you're the same person, even if you're... not. Like how a part of me still wants to love Jen, even if that's not a possibility in this life."

She swallows. "He, um. It's not mutual."

He held her tighter. "I'm so sorry, Allie." Merlin just held her. At least, in this space, she could not be king, she could not be what Destiny had written for her. She could just be a girl. A girl whose heart has been broken by...well, he supposed by him.

She rests her head against his chest.

"It's okay." (It's not.) "It just..." (Seems a little hopeless right now.)

"Just?" He asked gently.

A helpless shrug. "I don't know. I think I've screwed things up."

"We've got a bit of time. Tell me?" Merlin held her and gently rubbed her back.

"It's going to be really weird, for one thing. It could do some damage to our relationship."

And, well, romantic relationship or not, Allie kind of needs her Miles.

"When you say our, you mean you and Miles' relationship?" he asked. "Perhaps I could help somehow?"

"Miles and mine. Yours and mine. Yours and Arthur's. All of the above."

She looks up at him, somewhat dubiously. "How?"

There was a way. But... "I could make it so that we never met. I will always be loyal to you, Allie. No matter what happens."

"Never... what?"

In addition to being endlessly confusing (he could do that? How? Why?), that sounds like an awful solution to this.